One of my specializations is in Couple Therapy. My approach is both supportive and encouraging. It is based on neurobiological findings and attachment concepts that confirm we need the support from our partners to be able to work through individual and primary core issues.
I am trained by Stan Tatkin, founder and developer of Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). PACT emphasizes and teaches couples how to move towards secure functioning in a relationship. Why? Because this is at the very heart of our deepest yearnings.
Who among us does not want to feel loved…to be ourselves just as we are, to feel cherished, cared for and protected-this has been the pursuit of humans since the beginning of time. We are social animals. We depend on other people. We need other people. ~Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
Breakdowns in relationships are non-pathological and part of a normal process. Too often disappointments and disenchantments lead to ongoing arguments, hostility and distance as well as loneliness in the relationship. Our all too clever brains recognize these patterns, generalize from past experiences and begin to anticipate future events to avoid hurts. Did I mention we are often juggling other stressors as well-careers, child rearing…you get the point. We begin to see each other from a distance, as though we were calculating enemies rather than beloveds. Our instinctive longing for the safety and security of the relationship is challenged by our other strong primitive states of fight, flight or freeze-helpful survival reflexes, which play havoc with maintaining a loving relationship. Learning how to relieve distress quickly is at the heart of my work with couples.
I meet with couples for 2 hours per session to allow the necessary time to ‘get into trouble and get out’; not just argue about what did or did not happen but get in there and see where problems began and do something different.
Learning new skills and understanding how to break these patterns is not as hard as we often think-Don’t wait!
*Please note, I am not able to help couples or parents who are looking to use my expertise in court such as with divorce and/or custody issues.
For one human being to love another;
that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks,
the ultimate, the last test and proof,
the work for which all other work is but preparation
~Rainer Maria Rilke